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10. Rashus Vaginus: A burning, itching sensation of the nether region, typically caused by the continuous friction of mesh or nylon panties given to you by your partner. Although mild, this can be extremely uncomfortable and publicly noticeable as you find ways to sit/stand/hold a conversation without scratching the hell out of your genitals.
9. Groin Strain: Typically occurs when attempting #s 57, 58 and 97 of the Kama Sutra without stretching first. Results in a hobbled walk for up to two weeks and an inability to have sex in any position other than the starfish.
8. 3rd Degree Rug Burns: Most frequently appear on elbows, knees, chin and derrière. Can lead to noticeable sandpaper-like chafe marks, embarrassment and in severe backside cases, the impossibility of sitting down for more than five seconds.
7. Neck spasm: Caused by giving intense oral sex for extensive periods of time, during which the neck seizes up and cannot be moved. Side effects include looking a bit like Frankenstein and being able to turn your head only when turning the rest of your body. Cured with rest in three days and your friends’ laughter.
6. Loss of circulation in the wrist : Most frequently occurs in bondage situations where one’s hands are tied above the head for excessive periods of time (also known as being left hanging). Aside from the short-term despair at being left alone and naked and unable to pleasure yourself, effects include telltale bondage marks on the wrists and mild blueness of the fingers.
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Have a great idea for a Top 10 list? Let me hear it! lexi@lexisylver.com.
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