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Saturday, 22nd September, 2018

10 Cartoon Characters Who Should Run For President

Amid all the heavy talk about the US elections today…

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I thought I’d keep it lighthearted and suggest some alternative Presidential candidates!

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Whatever your choice, don’t forget to go out and vote today! #Democracy

Here are 10 other options who should have made the ballot…

Rick Sanchez

rick_sanchez_meme

Rick tells it like it is!  At least you know he’ll be honest.

Wendy Testaburger

wendy-testaburger

Wendy totally kicks ass.

Roger Smith

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Roger is a great storyteller, and he really knows how to get straight to the point.

Louise Belcher

louise-belcher-meme

Louise is really practical, and knows the best way to handle getting into trouble.

Bender

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Bender’s narcissism and inhuman qualities make him an ideal candidate for ANY dictatorship.

Kermit the Frog
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He’s just so friendly!

Kang

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True, he’s an alien.  But he’s obviously willing to say anything to appease the public, and is quick to compromise!

Malory Archer

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She’s old and racist, and she doesn’t give a FUCK.

Glenn Quagmire

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He REALLY knows how to treat the ladies!

Lisa Simpson

lisa-simpson-for-president-trump

She’s smart, eloquent, and will never get the credit that she truly deserves.

Who would YOU vote for?

XXX

Lexi

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8 Horror-Comedies to Watch This Halloween

I’m feeling seriously nostalgic in anticipation for my Halloween movie marathon!

Add these classic horror-comedies to your list… or else!  MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ok, ok, that was cheesy, but so are these movies. Enjoy!

Ghostbusters (1984)

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Don’t cross the streams! Bill Murray & Dan Aykroyd spin comedy gold in one of my favorite movies of all time.  With guest appearances by The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man & Slimer.

 Army of Darkness (1992)

Army of Darkness Gif

Ash’s epic catch phrases.  A chainsaw arm.  One boom stick.  The unpronounceable Necronomacon.  Give me some sugar, baby!

Hocus Pocus (1993)

Hocus Pocus Gif Sarah Jessica Parker

Bette Midler totally outshines Sarah Jessica Parker, who was magically transformed into the whiny Carrie Bradshaw 5 years after this movie.

Beetlejuice (1988)

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It’s Batman! Well, Michael Keaton before he played Batman.  Plus, a very young Alec Baldwin, Geena Davis’s hair, and a 17-year-old Winona Ryder, all in this cult classic that never gets old, even when we do.

The Addams Family (1991)

The Addams Family GIF Wednesday

And you thought YOUR family was dysfunctional.

Young Frankenstein (1974)

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This is one of my favorite Gene Wilder flicks, directed by none other than Mel Brooks.  Plus, check out Teri Garr’s knockers!

Death Becomes Her (1992)

Death Becomes Her Meryll Streep Goldie Hawn Gif

Meryl Streep teaches Goldie Hawn a valuable lesson about what happens when your frenemy pisses you off…

Heathers (1988)

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Like Mean Girls, with a touch of sociopathic Winona Ryder and a pre-90210 Shannen Doherty (who’s scary all on her own).

Honorable mentions: The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Scream, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Evil Dead (& the Evil Dead 2)

Did I miss some of your favorite Halloween flicks?  Add them here in the comments below.

XXX

Lexi

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Monde Ose POP Halloween 2016 Ball

THE Sexiest Halloween Party in Town: Monde Osé’s POP Ball!

This Halloween weekend, get all dolled up for the hottest show in town, Monde Osé‘s POP!

On Saturday October 29th, Montreal’s premiere lifestyle events brand Monde Osé brings back its erotic Halloween Ball – one that will resemble a wet dream conjured up by Pop Art master Andy Warhol himself.

Monde Ose POP Halloween Ball 2016

Indulge in the revelry and nostalgia of pop stars and sex symbols, all coming together at this provocative soiree for a Halloween celebration like no other, with the glamour and luxurious feel of a Monde Osé event.

The POP Halloween Ball will feature sexy local headliners Les Jumelles, Tristan Ginger and Coeur De Lyon, with music by Proton Radio’s DJ Steven CaicedoDJ RECOVRGRL and Shug’ərtwɪnz.

Come to the Théâtre St-James on October 29th, and feast your eyes on these seductive performances, the iconic costumes of all of our partygoers, exhibits of pop art by local artists, and live nude body painting!

You’ll find all the titillating info & dress code details at Mondeose.com.

Tickets are only $50 until October 28th ($60 same-day & at the door – if any are available).

Don’t wait! 

Get yours online here or at any of these store locations around Montreal:

Monde Ose POP Halloween 2016 Ball

Time to Get Lexual!

XXX

Lexi

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Sex Position: The Turkey Baster

Happy Thanksgiving, fellow Canadian perverts!

Dig into this juicy Thanksgiving-inspired sex position, The Turkey Baster.

The Turkey Baster | Sex Position by Lexi SylverWhat it is: a rear-view move that will make her rump roast shake in your face as you stick it in her oven.

How to do it:

Have her get on her knees on the bed/floor, bending forward so that her knees are tucked into her body.  If she can’t tuck them into her body comfortably, then have her spread them farther apart so they are at her sides.  Either way, she should be sloped down at an angle so that her head is pressed into the bed or floor with her derrière up towards you.  Get behind her on your knees and slip it in, grabbing onto her calves and/or shoulders to make sure she won’t move with each of your thrusts.  Your upper body should actually lie partially on top of hers as you stuff her.

Why it’s hot:

I love rear-entry positions, because they enable a lot of G-spot contact.  This position is no exception!  Plus you can reach around between her legs to stimulate both her clit (a much easier task when her legs are more spread out) and her nipples.  If her legs are spread wider apart, this will give you a bit deeper access than if her legs are tucked under her body, but the latter position will give a more snug fit.  Try to get her to alternate between the two by sliding her knees apart and then together every now and then, or guide her to do so by easing her thighs to each side.

How to kink it up:

Try to switch it up by being spontaneous.  Thrust away and when she’s getting really into it, pull out of her and pay lip service to her clit instead.  Get back to your pumping action (while still using your fingers to rub her clit), then slip out and slide your tongue inside of her.  Alternate a few times, and you’ll see first hand how much she loves it!  The change in sensations will drive her crazy, as will your attention to her pleasure.  When all your fun is done, let her taste some of your hot gravy!

XXX
Lexi

www.lexisylver.com

Shop Sex Toys and Lingerie at LexiSylver.com

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Gotham Nights: An Erotic Teaser

Welcome to my playground.

I’ve been up to some dirty things lately… and one of them is getting ready for Monde Osé’s Bal de l’Halloween on October 31st!

Enjoy this erotic teaser as a prelude to the provocative night that awaits in Gotham City…


Gotham Nights

By Lexi Sylver

02dccff8bef9730849fdac121041821aThe click of my stiletto boots echo in the dark alley, the pavement still wet from the rain.  The streetlights are dim, the moon barely visible this cloudy Halloween night in Gotham City.  I know all the villains are out tonight, on the prowl for some trouble, and the heroes are waiting to stop them.

I’m new to this underworld, and the scent of danger in the air is an aphrodisiac to me.

Thunder roars in the distance, and lightning cracks the sky into pieces, visible beyond the dark buildings that surround me.  A looming sense of fear overcomes me, and I welcome it, allowing it to flood my senses.

I hear footsteps behind me, and I speed up my pace, my hand reaching into my trench coat for my weapon – just in case.  You never know when you’ll need an edge on an assailant.

The footsteps quicken behind me, and I turn to face the stranger following me, ready to pounce.

The stranger stops walking, facing me.  It’s impossible not to notice how sexy he is, standing there in the darkness, looking at me with the same intrigue reflected in my own eyes.  Then I realize who he is.

“Don’t worry,” he says, approaching cautiously.  “I’m one of the good guys.”

I laugh.

“I’M not,” I retort.

“You don’t LOOK bad,” he says, smiling and approaching me.

I flash the weapon I’m brandishing at my side.  I know exactly who he is – one of the heroes of Gotham, a dark knight who tries to keep evildoers at bay.

“Come closer… if you dare,” I say, my words both a threat and a promise.

I’m not afraid of him.   I know that this powerful man is isn’t counting on MY powers.

“Are you headed to The Rialto Underground tonight?” he asks as he approaches me slowly.

“What’s happening over there?” I ask, advancing on him.

“Monde Ose is having a party for all the heroes and villains in this town.”

“Everyone in one place?  Sounds dangerous.”  A shiver runs down my spine.

“It might be.”

We exchange a long, heated look.

“Let’s go,” I say.

We start walking at the same time, our steps falling in with each other.  This man doesn’t realize yet that I’m even more cunning and daring than he could possibly imagine.  He thinks he can protect me from the villains.

But he’s about to find out that he’s the one who needs to watch out for seductive predators like me…

MondeOse-GothamCity-11x17

Join me at the Monde Ose Bal de l’Halloween on October 31st at the Rialto Underground in Montreal.  Click here for more details.

Click here to get your tickets now!

 

 

Superhero trio photo source: sakimichan.deviantart.com

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Amy Schumer cover GQ magazine July August 2015 Princess Leia Star Wars

Amy Schumer Dresses Like Princess Leia For New GQ Cover

Amy Schumer cover GQ magazine July August 2015 Princess Leia Star Wars

Amy Schumer, someone I already adore for her brazen confidence and incessant wit, has now done one of the most epic photo shoots for GQ Magazine I’ve ever seen.  My inner geek is loving it!

Dressed as Princess Leia, Schumer shines in poses with C-3PO and R2D2.  My favorite for sure is the one where they’re all in bed together.

Amy Schumer cover GQ magazine July August 2015 Princess Leia Star Wars

“The funniest woman in the galaxy” is promoting her new movie, Trainwreck, which hits theaters this Friday.  Schumer wrote and stars alongside Bill Hader in a Judd Apatow-directed comedy I’m excited to see.

GQ will release the interview with Schumer on Monday, so we can enjoy another authentic dose of Amy’s humor.

Check out all of Amy’s photos in GQ here.

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Semen: Part Of A Nutritious Diet?

Welcome back, fellow cum guzzlers, jizz swallowers and splooge swallowers-to-be,

Milk That Looks Like Semen | Lexi Sylver | Nutritional Content of SemenAt some point in our lives, we’ve wondered what it means to swallow man-juice. What’s in there really? Is it good for us? Will the spunk be funky? Although age, diet, lifestyle and exercise all play a role in the the taste and consistency of semen, here are some of the major nutrients that compose that tend to compose jizz. Sperm’s nutritional values vary from study to study, but the contents listed here are derived from the 2005 Journal of Andrology.

The nutritional value of semen ingredients | Lexi SylverEach ejaculation is approximately 3.4 ml in volume and contains less than a calorie. Which means it’s even more fat-free than Diet Coke. Semen is mostly water mixed with a few other ingredients that definitely contribute to the taste. I’ll explore the taste of semen in another blog; here’s just the nutrients for now.

I originally wanted to compare the contents of semen with the nutrients found in vaginal fluid (and female cum/ejaculation), but this proved an exceptional challenge, since so far there does not seem to be a whole lot of research anywhere about female ejaculation. (And no, female ejaculation is not a myth.) If you know of any research that has been done to this effect, I’d love if you could share that with me. Interestingly, one major difference is that while semen has a pH at around 7 or 8, vaginal fluid (not necessarily female ejaculation, though) has a pH of around 4 (which can be compared to beer or wine).

Do you spit or swallow? Why or why not? Tell me by commenting here below, on Facebook or Twitter!

Lexi
xxx
lexi@lexisylver.com

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References/Sources

Article source: via Jezebel

Acidity levels via Health 24

2005 Journal of Andrology: A Review of the Physical and Chemical Properties of Human Semen and the Formulation of a Semen Simulant

Sperm diagram via BuzzFeed

Explore Your Lexuality at Lexi Sylver | Erotic Short Stories, Sex Toys, Kinky Lingerie & More Naughty Goodies

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Wordy Wednesday | Lexi Sylver | Story of O Erotic Quote | Pauline Reage

Erotic Quote From The Story of O

Welcome back, sexy fiends.

The first erotic book I ever read was The Story of O.  I was 12 at the time, a very curious and mature 12.  I have always been an avid reader, questing for knowledge of any kind.  I didn’t know then that the book would affect me so deeply. (I mention this on my radio spot with Dr. Laurie Betito on Passion CJAD 800AM a few weeks ago.)

The Story of O is one of the most renowned erotic books of the BDSM genre of all time.  It awoke something within me, giving me a thirst to learn more about the depth of sexuality and the darker, less talked about side of sex and the psyche.  Even years later, it thrills me to read it, reliving O’s punishment.

So this Hump Day, I share with you an excerpt that exquisitely sums up the complexity of O’s submission.

Wordy Wednesday | Lexi Sylver | Story of O Erotic Quote | Pauline Reage

“To Sir Stephen and to me you grant the right…”  The right to dispose of her body however they wished, in whatever place or manner they should choose, the right to keep her in chains, the right to whip her like a slave or prisoner for the slightest failing or infraction, or simply for their pleasure, the right to pay no heed to her pleas and cries, if they should make her cry out.

– Pauline Réage, Story of O: A Novel (1965)

What do you think of the quote?

Look out for the hashtag #WordyWednesday on Facebook & Twitter for your mid-week erotic fix.

Happy Hump Day,

xxx
Lexi

Photo via Pinterest

PS Continue along the path to literary eroticism: download your copy of All The Queen’s Men, my erotic story on Amazon Kindle!

All The Queen's Men by Lexi Sylver | Available on Amazon Kindle | Erotic Short Story

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Sexy woman with typewriter | Lexi Sylver

Lexi Sylver’s Erotic Writing Workshop: Coming Soon!

Bring your fantasies to life in an erotic story!

Sexy woman with typewriter | Lexi Sylver

Write great erotic literature with helpful tips and advice from an experienced erotic writer! (Yes, I’m talking about myself in the third person.)

I’ve had several requests from fellow erotica writers, and erotica fans alike, to run an erotic writing workshop.  Whether you just want to write a good story for your own personal use, to spice things up with your partner,  or as a first step in an erotic writing career, this workshop will give you the tools you need to get started!

During my workshop, you’ll learn:

  • How to write a great sex scene
  • How to create compelling, believable characters
  • How to seamlessly transition between different parts of your story
  • What different narration styles can bring to your story
  • What NOT to do when writing an erotic story

and more great tips!

This workshop will be held October 2015 in Montreal, Canada.

More information & pricing coming soon.

Get on my workshop mailing list here below!

(You’ll be the first to get the news and an early bird discount when sign-ups begin.)

Get more updates by connecting with me on Facebook & Twitter!

xxx
Lexi

Photo of woman with typewriter via alexilawless.com

All The Queen's Men by Lexi Sylver | Available on Amazon Kindle | Erotic Short Story

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Lexi Sylver Website Review | MaximumErotica.com | Erotic Short Stories

Lexi Sylver Website Review on MaximumErotica.com

Welcome back, sexy people.

The naughty folks at MaximumErotica.com reviewed my website, LexiSylver.com, and posted up an excerpt to my erotic short story, Any Vixen Sunday.  Check the review out here!

Lexi Sylver Website Review | MaximumErotica.com | Erotic Short Stories

Overall the Lexi Sylver website is one of the best sites displaying erotic short stories on the internet. The content is selling more than just sex appeal, it is selling style. The high end look of the internet site captures your eye right away.

Travelling through Lexi Sylver’s “Playground” you will find a lustful appetite that is achieved through the creative flow of writing. From the erotic stories, quotes, and poems, the word game never looked this pretty. So if you are hungry for a sexual meal then enter this domain, of your own free will. Definitely a website that is highly recommended as well as rated.”

Check out the rest of the review on MaximumErotica.com

Thanks for the provocative review!

XXX

Lexi Sylver

All The Queen's Men by Lexi Sylver | Available on Amazon Kindle | Erotic Short Story

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