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Friday, 21st September, 2018

Top 10 Things A Man Would Do If He Had ONE Day In A Woman’s Body

Welcome back all!

Read it on my website!

10. Spend an exorbitant amount of time in front of a full-length mirror, checking out (and prodding, poking, etc.) every part of your female anatomy, thinking, “Sweeeeeeet!!!”

9. See what it feels like not to wait in line to get in a club, and consume as many free drinks as possible.

8. Try to get out of a speeding ticket, using your cleavage, short skirt and fluttering eyelashes to convince the officer that you swear it’ll never happen again.

7. Go up to every man who’s ever pissed you off, and pretend you want to have sex with them.  When they pull down their pants, point and laugh, and take a Polaroid of the damage.  Run home in your heels and post it all over the Internet.

6. Go lingerie shopping and try on every little g-string and see-through item you can, admiring your sexy self.  Breasts are awesome!

5. Have sex with as many men and women as you can pick up, videotaping each encounter to peruse later.  Bonus points for group sex!

4. Run around town naked and see if anyone calls the police for public indecency.

3. Deliberately get into a catfight with another woman, so you’ll finally be able to see what it’s like to hit a girl.

2. Masturbate.  All.  Day.  Long.  Experimenting to see what objects, food items, toys, etc. can fit inside that mysterious hole.

1. Pick up a really rich guy, and get him to take you out to a fancy dinner, where you order the most expensive food and drinks… then tell him you have a headache and can’t go home with him.

Missed last week’s?  Read Top 10 Things A Woman Would Do If She Had ONE Day In A Sexy Man’s Body

Lexi

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The Upside-Down Double-Oh! Sixty-Nine

More sex position inspiration to get you and your partner to feel feisty tonight…

Wine Dine and Sixty-Nine: Try the Double Oh! Sixty Nine Sex Position by Lexi Sylver

What It Is: A variation of 69 for ladies & gents with a little more authority from the  man on top.

How to do it:
She lies down on her back on the bed, with her head hanging down off the side.  You stand at the edge of the bed and connect your prime rib with her mouth, while leaning over her body to yodel in her canyon.  Make sure you secure at least one of her thighs with your arm to prevent her from sliding too far off the edge of the bed.  She should be gripping onto your thighs for support.  Clearly, height differences play a factor, so adjust as needed, such as putting a pillow under her bum, or sliding a little more over her to get more height.

Why it’s hot:
Sixty-nine is fun but repetitive if it’s always girl-on-top.  In this position, you can even thrust yourself into her mouth– obviously with warning first, or you’ll awake her gag reflex.  If she can’t take it in too deep, then move slowly and in shallow thrusts while she uses her tongue around your member.  Work her with your free hand and lips, raising her hips up to meet your mouth when things gets really intense.  Don’t neglect her breasts either, as they’ll be properly exposed for your fondling.

How to kink it up:
This 69 enables more creativity, because certain areas are accessible that may not be when one person is lying down completely on the bed.  She can reach your perineum (that sweet spot right between your balls and your anus), push it lightly and/or rubbing it in circles, or just tugging on your package.  If she’s able, this can also be a great position for deep-throating while you do all the necessary hip work so she can focus on keeping her throat open and gag reflex tamed.  PLUS you can find many ways to stimulate her while she’s lying down, spread open for you.  Use both your fingers and your mouth to pleasure her, but you can also bring in some fun toys of hers, since you’ll have a great angle to use them to stimulate her G-spot while working her clit.  IF you opt to make this a bondage situation where she is submissive, don’t forget to support her even more to avoid her falling off the bed, since her hands will be tied above her head.

What do you think of this sex position? Do you have any tips or suggestions? Comment here below, on my Facebook page, Twitter, YouTube or Pinterest!

Stay tuned for more erotic indulgences,
Lexi
xxx
lexi@lexisylver.com

www.lexisylver.com

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Position of the Week: The Raunchy Rear-End Spread

Also available at www.lexisylver.com.

What it is:
A subtle variation on doggy-style that gives him control and depth while hitting the perfect angle for her G-spot.

How to do it:
Have her lie on her belly with her butt towards the edge of the bed (or equally comfortable horizontal surface) with her legs spread comfortably (or as far as she can go).  You thrust into her while standing between her legs from behind, while keeping her legs lifted just a little bit above her ass, so you achieve a blissful downward angle of penetration.  Usually works best with a pillow under her belly to lift up her pelvis at a better angle.

Why it’s hot:
You get a great view of the slope of her ass, and feel like a total stud by driving it home and hearing her moans of delight.  She’ll love it because it gets her nice and deep and in the right O! spot.

How to kink it up:
Instead of grabbing her legs, grab her hips instead, and have her wrap her calves around you from behind, crossing them at the ankle, to keep you closer.  Or, have her kneel at the edge with her legs spread as far apart as she can, and grab onto her hips as you move into her.  In this position you can also work with her clit and nipples, which you may not be able to access with her body pressed against the mattress.

If she’s down for some of the dirty,  spread her cheeks and use a little lube or spit to play with her other rear entry… you don’t need to penetrate, just rub in gentle circles and see how she feels.  She’s very spread out in this position and more accessible.  If she’s not squeamish, lube up properly and slide in slowly, one finger at a time.  If she’s already into anal, you can give her a little double penetration using one of her vibrators (or simply use your imagination).

(Hygiene note: DO NOT touch anything after until you’ve thoroughly washed your hands and/or toys!)

Have a risqué evening!  Don’t forget to check back Wed for the latest of my erotic shorts.

Lexi
www.lexisylver.com

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Position of the Week: The G-Whiz! Grappler

Enjoy!  Also available on my website.

What it is: a surefire way for him to stimulate both your G-spot and your clitoris while he gets a nice, tight squeeze.

How to do it: Lie on your side while he kneels behind your butt, pushing one of his knees between your thighs while aligning his pelvis to penetrate you, while leaning forward slightly over you.  While he thrusts, he’ll place a hand on your back for leverage.  All you have to do is lie there and relax as the friction stimulates both of your hot spots simultaneously with each thrust.

Why it’s hot: He can watch you moan with pleasure from his position above you, and alternate his speed .  He can also fondle your breasts with his free hand.  Plus, since one of his legs is between yours, there is constant contact with each other, which makes it intimate, but the angle is tight for him while rubbing against your G-spot and clit.  Everybody wins!

How to kink it up: If she’s game for a little light bondage, you can tie her arms up against the bedpost above her head.  Since you’re taking control in this position, you can bring it up to the next level while you please her.  Handcuffs aren’t necessary, but you can use an old scarf or tie to ease the transition if she’s feeling ambivalent about it.  Or prop up a mirror at an angle where both of you are able to watch the action (unless you happen to have a camera handy… just make sure you properly label and hide the videos later).

Have a sexy weekend!  See you Wednesday for my latest short story.

Lexi
www.lexisylver.com

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Position of the Week: The Tawdry Tarantula

Enjoy!  Also available on www.lexisylver.com.

What it is: A tantric and voyeuristic face-to-face bump and grind that slowly builds up your bliss while giving you an eyeful.

How to do it:  Sit down facing each other with your legs spread and pelvises aligned.  Drape one bent leg over his thigh on one side, while letting him drape one of his legs over the opposite thigh.  (You each have one leg under and one leg on top of  each other’s opposite sides so you are interlocking.)  Your weight will be resting on your palms in back of you, and on your feet in back of your partner as you slowly slide your hips together.  Basically you are in a outward V position where the crux consists of your hips moving together.  (n.b. The “Tarantula” part refers to the collective configuration of your eight limbs…)

Why it’s hot: Not only are you able to watch each other’s ecstatic expressions AND the joining of your loins, the slow tempo of your bump and grind is both sultry and tantric… a great way to gradually build up each other’s pleasure.  You can also come in closer and rock your hips while wrapping your arms around each other to increase your intimacy.

How to kink it up:
For her: Since your legs are already intertwined, you can sling the leg that’s on top of his over his shoulder instead, allowing for deeper and closer stimulation.

For him: Slowly rub her nipples and clit while moving together.  You can also lift her hips slightly above yours so that you can push into her from below.  You can also alternate between man-on-top with your legs still intertwined, and then bringing her back up again into a sitting up position.

Have a sexy evening, and see you Wednesday for your fill of my latest erotic short.
Don’t forget to check out my website, if you haven’t already.
Lexi

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Top 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear The Morning After…

Today’s Top 10 also available on my new site, www.lexisylver.com.

Special thanks to R. A. and M. M. for this one!

10. “I think the condom slipped off last night… because it’s stuck to the side of your face.”

9. “Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my apartment?”

8. “My husband should be here any minute.”

7. “Listen… if the cops come here asking about me, pretend I never existed, ok?”

6. “Don’t leave me!  I love you!  If I can’t have you, nobody else can!”

5. “You’re my… hundred and sixteenth.  Well who are you to judge me?  You’ve probably taken more turns than the town doorknob.”

4. “I took the liberty of cleaning out one of your drawers to put in some of my things.”

3.  “Has this webcam been on the WHOLE TIME?!?!”

2. “Uhm… Ryan?  Why is my Uncle Ted in your family photo?”

1. “I’ve had better.”

Have a sexy weekend, and see you all Sunday for the Position of the Week!
Don’t forget to check out my new site, www.lexisylver.com!

Lexi

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Top 10 Most common sex injuries/medical cases

Welcome back everyone!  Enjoy, and see you Sun with the position of the week.

Top 10 Most Common Sex-Related Injuries/Medical Cases

10. Rashus Vaginus: A burning, itching sensation of the nether region, typically caused by the continuous friction of mesh or nylon panties given to you by your partner.  Although mild, this can be extremely uncomfortable and publicly noticeable as you find ways to sit/stand/hold a conversation without scratching the hell out of your genitals.

9. Groin Strain: Typically occurs when attempting #s 57, 58 and 97 of the Kama Sutra without stretching first.  Results in a hobbled walk for up to two weeks and an inability to have sex in any position other than the starfish.

8. 3rd Degree Rug Burns: Most frequently appear on elbows, knees, chin and derrière.  Can lead to noticeable sandpaper-like chafe marks, embarrassment and in severe backside cases, the impossibility of sitting down for more than five seconds.

7. Neck spasm: Caused by giving intense oral sex for extensive periods of time, during which the neck seizes up and cannot be moved.   Side effects include looking a bit like Frankenstein and being able to turn your head only when turning the rest of your body.  Cured with rest in three days and your friends’ laughter.

6. Loss of circulation in the wrist : Most frequently occurs in bondage situations where one’s hands are tied above the head for excessive periods of time (also known as being left hanging).  Aside from the short-term despair at being left alone and naked and unable to pleasure yourself, effects include telltale bondage marks on the wrists and mild blueness of the fingers.

5. The Brazilian Backbreaker: While trying to contort yourself in an enthusiastic attempt to show your partner you’re flexible, your back gets stuck in an inverse-U position.  Symptoms typically last several days and are alleviated by two anti-stupidity pills every four hours.

4. Black and blue balls: Due to the accidental yet forceful squishing of the testicles by a knee, fist or stiletto heel.  Causes excruciating pain and a non-sexy cowboy walk.  Rest for 1-2 weeks with frozen peas on your package and a bottle of JD in your hand.

3. Prince Albert, meet my tongue: Piercings are all  fun and games… until someone’s tongue ring accidentally gets stuck on to his Prince Albert during a hot BJ.  Your humiliation is off the charts when picked up by amused EMTs in an ambulance, and the pain and swelling makes you think twice before putting your mouth on a penis with metal protruding from it… or letting someone blow you with a barbell through her tongue.

2. The self-imposed knockout: Caution: headboards are stronger than they may appear!  Don’t think your head is hard enough not to get cracked open when you over-eagerly misjudge your own strength (or hers, if she’s on top) and slam into it with excessive force.  When you awake from your concussion, remove the headboard immediately, and make sure to avoid collisions with hard surfaces.

1.  Penile Fracture: Snap!  If you hear this sound during sex, call 911.  Most often, this is caused by an overzealous partner who misses his aim (e.g. while doing the pile-driver) or by having her come down too hard while riding you.  Can lead to not being able to use, touch, or bear to look at your (literally) purple-headed monster for over a week until the swelling subsides.

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Top 10 Ways To Ruin The Moment

Hi everyone, welcome back.  This has been a very busy week!  So far, Celis Rono has posted my story, Any Vixen Sunday: Morgan’s First Taste, on her blog as a feature on erotica writers, and then yesterday Josey Vogels, well-known sex advice columnist of fare like “My Messy Bedroom”, cited Mating Season as a blog she loved.  (Thanks to you both!)  I am very excited about the great feedback I have been getting from people, so thanks!  Here’s the Top 10:

Top Ten Ways To Ruin The Moment

Special thanks to Crash Adams for his brilliance.

10. Asking if the roofie you slipped into her drink has kicked in yet.  Giggity.

9. When you’re already inside her, she asks seriously, “is it in yet?”

8. After spending the whole night trying to convince her you’re a sex god, you get her hot and start feeling her up … but your rocket launches off in your jeans way before Houston gives the okay.

7. Warning her advance that it’s “just a rash”.

6. Saying that her house looks familiar, then realizing, “Hey!  Isn’t your mom’s name Janine?”

5. When you get back to her place, you take your cell phone into the other room, telling her you “just need to let my mom know where I am.”

4. In the heat of the moment, she teasingly inquires if you want a blow job, and you ask, “how much?”

3. Exclaiming, “I can’t believe she’s falling for it!” out loud when you meant to say it in your head.

2. At your apartment, she remembers she left her medication at home.  When you impatiently ask her if it’s a big deal, she replies, “well, without my pills I can get… a little funny.”

1. Asking her for ID, because there’s NO WAY you’re gonna let THAT happen again.

Have an idea for a Top 10 list you want to share?  Contact me: lexisylver@gmail.com.

Have a sexy weekend!  See you Sunday for the newest Position of the Week!

Lexi

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Position of the Week: The Tight Squeeze

Enjoy!

The Tight Squeeze

How to do it: In this variation of man-on-top, she lies on her back with her legs straight up in the air, crossed at the ankle, while he kneels in front of her and drives it home.

Why it’s hot: Crossing her ankles makes for a tighter squeeze between her legs for you, while the friction against her hot spots during motion is amazing for her.

Kink it up: Do it with a mirror on the side so you can watch yourselves enjoy the action (come on, we all have a desire to be voyeurs of our own sexcapades!)

For him: To arrange the angle of penetration, hoist her butt onto a pillow or two until she’s comfortable. Hold onto her hips and legs while you pump away, kneeling in front of her, while kissing/licking her calves/ankles (surprisingly sensitive!).

For her: Have him watch you suck on his fingers as he thrusts away. Also, since your legs are going to be right up in the air, it wouldn’t be a bad thing to adorn them with some sexy shoes and/or fishnet stockings…

If you have a sexy position you want to share with us, let me know.

Have a sexy week!  See you Wednesday for my newest story.

Lexi

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Top Ten Signs Your Relationship is OVER.

10. You get home and find your apartment lined with boxes of your stuff.

9. She calls to say she’s spending some time at her mother’s house… even though she once said she’d rather drink battery acid than spend another night under that woman’s tyrannical rule.

8. You call him while he’s on a trip to Amsterdam, and the naive man at the front desk says: “he just stepped out.  Would you like to speak to Mrs. Smith instead?”

7. She starts wearing much sexier clothes just to do the groceries down the street.

6. You discover a pregnancy test in the garbage… but you haven’t had sex with her since the Presidential elections.

5. You drop by his office unannounced for a surprise quickie and find his personal assistant kneeling on the floor– and she’s not picking up fallen papers.

4. You get back from work early, only to find him in your bedroom, clad in your lacy lingerie… with his “fashion consultant” waiting on your brand new Egyptian cotton sheets.

3. During a dreaded family get-together, your man’s mother reproaches you about taking an exercise class that involves a stripper pole because it’s demeaning to women… as is dressing like one.

2. Out of the blue, he suddenly decides it’s time for him to “discover” himself, quits his fantastic job to go backpacking around the world, and relays the information via text message.

1. At 3 o’clock in the morning, you wake up to the sound of moaning.  Upon discovering she’s not beside you in bed, you find her in the office in front of your webcam, trading naked correspondences with Sven from Germany, whose monstrous frankfurter is enlarged on the glowing screen.

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